Heaven Has My Heart
The Village suffered a sudden and sad loss this weekend. Anais, one of our beautiful fosters, crossed the rainbow bridge with her foster Mom and favorite toy at her side. She fell victim to a sudden cancer Hemangiosarcoma. We will miss you sweet girl! One of the Village volunteers came across this picture of Anais and said this about it, “I came across this picture of Anais on the day she came into Karen’s care. I remember Karen saying that ‘she may have met her match with this one.’ Well, I believe she did, but not because Anais would prove to be too difficult, but rather that Anais had met her match. To be with Karen and Jellie while she faced her toughest journey in her short life. She was much loved, and was were she needed to be. Rest easy little one.”
The post below is from Anais foster mom. Anais came shutdown, devoid of any reason to go on, and certainly no reason to trust me. If she saw a dog out of the corner of her eye, she would slam the side of her Xpen with full bodily force, and spewing F-words to match. I have been training dogs for long time, but there was something so interesting about this girl and her passionate focus on all that enraged her. One friend suggested that I use a squirt bottle. So, I did. Anais liked it. She was acting on what she knew, which was dogs fight together, and humans give up, so why invest?
Today, the Vets were in shock! With a red cell of 16%, she should not have been able to muster the energy to stand. In other words, she should have checked out, and been devoid of any reason to go on. Two vets shared amazement at how this girl could possibly move with an abdomon full of tumors and blood. Yet, she did. She had been up and down the stairs for regular morning cuddles and giggles with me and Jellie this morning! At the hospital, she ran to giggle with her toy in her mouth, got a butt sniff from Jellie, and raised her chinny to give me kisses. She smiled at Aunt Emily, who fostered Buzz (I am pretty sure Anais she hated him.) and gave her kisses too. The techs loved her, never realizing how she began.
So, here we are having come full circle. Anais, my sweet, became a confident girl, co-existing at 100% reliability with new dogs of all sizes (while watching my cues in the beginning), trading food bowls with Jellie Beanz, and never missing an opportunity to kiss and cuddle with me. She was always under foot! I have spilled water bowls, my dinner, and bags of Groceries because Anais would be walking along in front of me “doot da doot da doo…” , and then come to a complete stop (FOR NO APPARENT REASON) just out of my line of sight . The next thunderstorm you here, be sure that God has just been tripped and spilled his Groceries, and Anais is to blame!
Hemangiosarcoma. What is it? A big ugly word that means Heaven has my heart, and I WANT HER BACK!
We Village people have lost the “A”. And now the song is all wrong. I hope she is looking down on me laughing, because as I am blinded by tears, while I am also unable to get the new song “YMC-uhhh”… out of my head.
We are a team, because everyone here had some input in Anais’s life . Emily and Adam, I couldn’t do it without you guys! Every one of you who sent an e-mail to me asking questions about Anais, laughing at one of her photos with me, showing curiosity about her surgery, telling me Anais was lucky to have me, sending a sweet little bed and toys, telling me to check my typos, cuz you can’t understand my message, getting mad because I take too long to mail things, makes me feel slightly sane, and certainly gave me a little “Huh” to spear me on through the challenges. And, I can’t tell you what that interest means to a foster parent. Sometimes, you just want to know that people care, and that you are not just a “number” in this “Too Many Dogs-Too Few Homes” world. You have had my back, and I have yours. We also have a couple angels that I know are helping from above. If you need them, they’ll know. Until then, you have the rest of us!
Emily and I were remembering how painful it was for us to watch Paolo (an even bigger project) march down the path to go home with his new Daddy, we both kind of giggled and said “That pain is nothing, now!”
We are constantly running that relay race, and no matter how much we want our Anais to run the race all the way through: time to pass the baton can come as a shock! And, the only way that I can make sense of my excruciating pain is in thinking that Anais was ready, and has now passed the baton. To who? We don’t know, but we do know that whomever it is, has Anais’s eyes watching over them.
Anais challenged me in many ways.
Accepting that I worked so hard to get her ready for adoption as quickly as possible, when that wasn’t what her future was supposed to hold, will be my greatest lesson yet, If I learn it.